E3 2011: Microsoft Press Conference In A Snarky Nutshell

Missed the press conference?

Here's what you need to know.

Kinect Sports Season 2
Microsoft showed off the next version of their motion-based sports minigame collection. Yep, there's some football, tennis, and skiing, and since it's Kinect enabled, there's an awful lot of arm flailing and shouting at your TV.

Dance Central 2
While some of us were hoping for a new cross-platform game from Harmonix, instead we got more Dance Central. This time it has more simultaneous players. I got nothing.

Kinect Fun Labs
XBox is getting a new download for Kinect, allow you to make auto-generated Avatars, and the ability to scan objects into game spaces. How this will (or won't) be implemented in existing or future games is unclear, but apparently you can also 'paint' in 3D. Your creations can be shared with your friends, there are Achievements for playing, and it's available for free on XBL RIGHT NOW.

Kinect Disneyland Adventures
Coming this Fall, this indirect sequel to Kinect Adventures allows players (ahem, kids) to tour a virtual representation of Disneyland, and to play mini-games that look suspiciously like the ones included in the last game… with a Disney paintjob.

Forza 4
Microsoft treated us to a nice montage that reinforced that Forza 4 will have… wait for it… Kinect support. The only real news here is the release date: 10-11-11.

Minecraft for XBox360
The game I never understood is coming to XBox. Yep, exclusively. Enjoy that.

Fable: The Journey
The next iteration of Peter Moly… Moli… that Lion Head guy's game, was shown, with a heavy emphasis on Kinect support. Interestingly enough, the person demonstrating the game was sitting down. Myth busted!

Halo: Anniversary Edition
One of the worst kept secrets in recent E3 memory, yes they are remaking the original Halo for the current generation of hardware. Improved multiplayer support, including online campaign co-op, 7 updated 'classic' multiplayer maps, and Live support. It will sell an ungodly number of copies.

UFC PPV and Streaming TV
Pay Per View events (notably UFC fights) are coming to XBox Live, with an added dash of interactivity. You'll be able to score points by 'Calling Matches', and chat while watching is possible. Also, Microsoft is promising more television viewing options like their ESPN offering, with full Kinect Support.

We also got a look at a new IP from Crytek (the team behind the Crysis games) called Ryse. Someone buy them some 'i's. It's essentially a first-person shooter, with melee combat in ancient Rome. It looks good.

In the end, Microsoft pushed Kinect, told us it was more fun to watch TV without a remote, pushed Kinect, shouted at their televisions, and pushed Kinect some more.

And then, at the end, they showed a 30 second teaser trailer for Halo 4, introducing it as the first part in a new trilogy.

Yes, Master Chief was in attendance.